On a Serious Note

After all this light hearted contents, just thought could do with some serious stuff. Well, the credit for this (or discredit) must go to Venkat for I have been accused of making this blog a light hearted satire on daily life (whatever that means!) So, concentrate dear reader and just give me a smile now. Probably, after reading this you might want to reconsider your attitude towards me.

But before that, let me tell you all that I tell is true. I've made up my mind - I either tell truth (or i dont tell anything at all). I hate those DAMN LIES. Makes your life miserable. The old verses, I follow to the core

Satyam Bruyath, Priyam Bruyath
Na Bruyath Satyam Apriyam
Priyamcha na Anrutham Bruyath
Aesha Dharma Sanathana

OK, so what do you do when you first meet a person? Now dont tell me some psychology researchers in some blastid university came out with some study that says all Love happens in the first 30 seconds (when last heard! No guarantee it hasnt seen the downward trend). Im talking of situations where no romantic interests are involved. What do you do?? Well with me, I just categorize them. I see different categories

1. Men of integrity (One can just hear their stature in their voice)

2. Men with no integrity (Mr. Undependables and of course Miss. Undependable lest I be accused of being a Sexist Pig)

3. People with #%$#@&#(*^*(^*&(%$$@#%$&^*%*&

4. People having %^$*&$*^*()&(*$%$@&*(()&(&((&^%$#@#

5. Miscellaneous category - You just spend your whole life categorizing them

The third and fourth categories are proof to my fact that I follow Na Bruyath Satyam Apriyam ( Apriyavaada Satyavannu HeLabeda) and many thanks to Mr.Mogun for teaching me this wonderful language of &^$#$#^%#$. So the next time you meet someone, just categorize him rightly so that you dont end up putting him in the fifth category.

I Learnt My Lessons....

I am just beginning to love writing. But yes, all this has to to do with the innumerable formal letters written to innumerable people over the course of the past 2 months. I just cant stop thinking formal English. Like if I want to ask a friend to pass a book, I start off in my head as

"I humbly request you to please pass the book over. I would be very glad if you could do so at the earliest. Thanking you in advance."

Anyway, that was just to justify my blogging at a time when Im supposed to be working on something more important.

Lesson 1
One sincere advice to VTU students applying for transcripts - apply early, and I mean EARLY. The university or its staff have a particular penchant for philately and so ask you to send a self addressed envelope with postage for an unknown amount. [this is just to get stamps of different denominations I suspect]

And what do they do??? Remove the stamps and cleverly send the transcripts through courier.
Well done, all this takes some 25 days. Now comes the nightmare I experienced, it so happens that by divine grace or disgrace I happen to stay in a locality that has got all its numbers wrong, including door numbers, and it so happens that the delivery boy is a new guy who has reported to work just 2 days back. A perfect foil for a happy ending!

Lesson 2
The staff of VTU is as far from courtesy as Rowan Atkinson is from Deve Gowda. A call to VTU

namskare sahebra....
hello VTU, Belgaum
Transcriptsge apply maad......
Endu
25 dina aaithu nodri....
5 daysnalli baraththe idri phonu....tap!

Call them again.......

Hello...
VTU Belgaum,
Courier docket number aadru heLri sira...
Nodri, namageega eshtu kelasa andre. nimma punya phone attend maadidini...
Swalpa patience irliiri.....yaava courier antha aadru heLo thamma...
Professional.............

After numerous calls to Belgaum courier office, the docket no is traced out but unfortunately, it has been returned back to Belgaum. The van has left Bangalore carrying it and hasnt reached Belgaum. Well, call them again...

Hello....Mala madam??
Houdri, enagbeku???
Adu docket no...... load bantha.
Aa mailnalli swalpa nodri....ivru bengloorinda phone hachchaara...
Ilri, adu Thilakwadige hogide.....
Whaa??? Thilakwadi??

Hmm. After 48 hours of agony and a few calls to the higher echelons of Professional, thanks to my dad, I finally received the package this morning from Thilakwadi o belgaum to Mission Road to Geddalahalli to Lottegollahalli.

Im happy now that all tension is gone..

Lesson 3
Never read such blogs if it doesnt concern you. It just wastes your time and nothing else :)

Happy Diwali

Godfather!

Michael Corleone: Only Don’t tell me you are innocent.[pause] It insults my intelligence.[pause] It makes me very angry.

Karthik Venkatesh: Only Don’t tell me to write a SOP.[pause] It insults my intelligence.[pause] It makes me very angry.

Last, Laster, Lastest..........

This is the LAST time I will ever forget to use RET at the end of a subroutine. After hearing to Mani’s sardonic neigh after seeing the program, that will always ring in my ears whenever I write a subroutine.

This is the LASTER time I will ever go around announcing on the public address system about the two lost ‘strippers’ of the five strippers that were with us when all I meant was this.

This is the LASTEST time, I will ever witness a truly democratic election in my life. Oh! It is worth describing democracy…….

2:45:14 PM Our 'beloved' HOD enters the Electronics Lab and says Excuse ME to a student seriously working on a system.

2:45:15 PM The student startled turns around [action not required for the completion of the scene]

2:45:17 PM Two swift hand motions from the choreography trained HOD. The first one to indicate all students to get off their seats and the second one to beckon them to come closer [action takes approx 380 msec]

2:45:18 PM Students begin to notice the big smile on the Don’s face and cant resist a laugh.[ Action censored by the censor board]

2:45:19 PM The Don begins his speech – “Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Keyboards and Monitors. Today, I want YOU ALL to elect two people to represent your class. Since our college is ISO certified, we have system of 50% reservation for the fairer sex. So I want YOU to elect one boy and one girl”

2:45:23 PM Turns towards a guy standing nearby and asks him “Will you become?” [Heaven knows what!] “OK then, who else”.

2:45:25 PM This ‘gem’ of a lecturer passing by jumps in “Ivaranna thogoLi saar…” “Yaaru?” “Ivare, Ivare”

2:45:28 PM “OK then thank you all of you”

2:45:30 PM A harsh squeaking of the Lab door is heard and Keyboards and Monitors return back to their work.

A 17 second Election. Hail Democracy!

PS: Not meant to hurt anyone. If hurt – what can I do???

PS: The title is an intended error and doesn’t denote my ignorance of Uncle Sam’s tongue.

Of Amateur Washermen and their zeal for work......

There's a Kannada saying which I would have to reproduce in its original form

" Hosadralli Agasa GoNi Eththi Eththi Ogedananthe"

Anyway, for those of you who didnt get it due to language barrier or due to my sheer inability to effectively convey kannada phonetics through the Queen's language, here's what it means - An amatuer dhobi washes gunny bags with the same ardour as he would wash some other expensive piece of clothing[implied].

Okay, enough of this literary tomfoolery. Let me get straight to the point. I had recently been to a 'function' [also. gathering def. a gathering of sufficiently large numbers of the male and female species of Homo sapiens with no fixed agenda except to gather as much information as possible about the rest of the species]. It too like any other of its kind contained the usual Q & A session - Well the last part is what interested me the most!

Hello, how are you?
Fine!

What are you doing now?
Me in final year BE, Ramaiah

Oh cool! finished with your placements??
Oh yes! Placed in LnT blah blah blah!

Good! What do they do?
They do this this and this and more of this at their this plant and less of this at their this unit.

Very good, very good. My friend's cousins nephew got into Microsoft. You dont want Microsoft??
Heck who doesnt want MS?? I am into talks with Mr.Gates. you'll read about my takeover shortly in the papers.

You are such an 'Adhikaprasangi'. Anyway my daughter too studies in Ramaiah. She is in Mechanical 1st sem.
Ah! good, whats her name?? [I'll ask her out for coffee sometime] Why isnt she around today?

Oh! poor girl. what can I say, she's busy with some assignments. She doent even have time to travel home-you see 20kms is a long distance. She stays in hostel. She stays in the 'DEPARTMENTAL LIBRARY' till 6 or 7.
Whaaaa!??? Departmental Library??? Never mind if there's cigarettes in the air [literally] from Gold Flakes to Wills [ pardon me if those are outdated brands, those are from the days when cig adverts were legal]. Anyway the numerous hangouts around the college are equally good.

After all this, I quitely slip away from the group to try my luck at the adjacent group and here again I am greeted by this "oh! 7th sem??? Finished with your placements??" for the 3223rd time this year. Tougher times ahead.


Then there is another breed of first years. The confident young lad with a Tee neatly tucked inside the jeans and a small folder with everything from LKG Marks Card to the CET admission order under his arms with his daddy dearest following him. One cannot miss the enthu in his eyes nor the inspection in his Dad's eyes. Enters the front foyer, looks around and Hey! theres a poster put up by SUN here, this college rocks! Never mind if the poster screams out.......Last Date for Submission 25th August 2004 or asking all NCC Cadets to assemble at some ungodly hour some 8 years back. The student and his dad will definitely read every detail that can be read through the dust covered glass pane and move on in search of other such boards.


The third variety, the poor student is filling up forms for the college- I will not indulge in ragging [As if ragging was the regular sport of first years], will follow all rules laid down by the management and more such crap- while the mother's hawkish eyes are peeping into other students forms. If any familiarity breeds within that short span,

How much did you get in PU??
I put up some 94% in PU.

Oh is it?? My son got 98%, what is your rank??
I got this stupid rank

My son, poor fellow, studied hard, but didnt do well in CET.
BahaLa Santosha, Should I distribute sweets for that???

And then the parent moves back to her son and tells everything about the conversation trying to infuse some seriousness into her son and life continues........

The poor guy or gal gets into Ramaiah [College], endures the hardships of engineering, matures enough to know all these things are not worth bothering about, laughs at evrything around mostly with a bit of mental insanity, writes blogs like this ridiculing others and yet life continues.......

India, myself and the contrast......

Hey!!....Im back.....aha! I found time to blog - not that I was too busy - just that I cut down on my Orkut hours :D.

Much water has flown in the Vrishabhavati valley [does it still exist??] since I last posted. A father-son duo have held the whole state at ransom, a young Indian team from smalltown India [As Mr.Sardesai puts it] has conquered the world[sic]....Asia Cup is ours.....heard our neighbours grumbling abt the poor umpiring, the number of Indian Idols has increased [well someone once said India is a land of Idols...or was it Gods???] and now even the dignified Mr.Anand expects a gala welcome....

And yeah brighter things too......sane sense had prevailed upon the judiciary......STRIKE AFFECTS PUBLIC LIFE...wat else did we learn in 60 yrs?? Atheism has come to aquire a new meaning....There are doubts abt Mr.Ram's engineering degree.....heck!...even if he didnt have one...he was better than most of today's PWD engineers. 123 Agreement has got a 1023 opposition...n still counting. Inflation has come down....oh has it???...the onion still brings tears to my mother's eyes. People seemed to have forgotten Ms. Shetty and her silly antics....public memory is still short....

Ramaiah is bigtime into robotics [chuckle..] My comp is equally enamoured by a few viruses.
There seems to be change everywhere...for good or bad..but still a change....but yours truly is still the same ol' guy - the same ol' Gandhi for the not so Gandhis, the same ol' idiot for the Geeks......Well, recently Mr.P, a school buddy was surprised to find me in T-shirt n exclaimed...."Oh! u wear a T shirt also??" huh...So wat does tat say?? Well I wanted the last line to be the topic of this blog...but got carried away by other socio-politico incidents.....anyway all that in the next blog.....hopefully.....

With due regards to Shwashank Redemption n Mr.M ( who seems to have patented this line)

Fear can hold you prisoner.....
HOPE can set u free.....n thats wat I solely depen on.....

How True

Someone said, a picture is worth a thousand words, how true.............

Well this pic puts a full stop to all those Hum Tums................