Life - Here and There - And nothing in between

Well I haven't been serious enough, in my blog, in my life and probably all the probabilities occurring in my life are the probabilistic results of highly improbable events leading to the remote probability of my life being wrecked, probably beyond repair. Not again. Every time I sit down to blog, I try not to sound funny or act sarcastic (ample proof of which is present in the opening paragraph of most of my earlier blogs) but somehow midway I get back to my old sarcastic self. Nevertheless, I keep trying and trying .....and trying.

So, seriously and I mean seriously lets talk about Potato Chips. Why?? Because that's the only serious subject I could find in front of me. A pack of potato chips essentially contains potato chips which essentially are slices of potato that are 'supposed' to be freshest with no preservatives with a terrific taste that will tantalize my taste buds (those surviving after the assault of Subway veggies). Philosophers contend that the potato chips is a perfect metaphor to the problems in life that look humongous when in a pack but dissolve into thin air when chewed on. But seriously speaking again what they fail to notice is the 11g of fat (2g of saturated fat) that is transferred along with the crispy wafers which is akin to the .... the... penalty the system has to pay for chewing on the problem. Crap! What am I talking. Whoever said potato chips were metaphorical of problems. All crap. I cant do this anymore.

In that case, I guess I'll go back to my latest muse of comparing things here and back in India -things I miss a lot. And I guess I'd do it with a lot of favoritism towards India than those NRIs (the non returning types). I miss having my morning cuppa over the old faithful friend Deccan Herald. Waiting for the newspaper boy whose arrival times cannot fit into any known probability distribution was sweeter in direct proportion to the magnitude of the news expected. Literally fighting with the family to be able to grab the paper first is an experience best experienced first hand. Although newspapers in America are supposed to be good, the free ones contain absolute rubbish like 'taxi driver rips off passenger's coat for refusal to pay tips' or 'prankster arrested for making 911 calls repeatedly' which are of no use to mankind. In contrast, looking out for the scheduled power cut and hunting down for our locality in the midst of hundred other localities is more cherishing. The joy of finally finding our locality and then the realization of absolutely no TV or computer for the next 7 hours was simply great (either in the positive or negative sense).

I miss those delicious dosas I had 5 times a week and literally fought with my mom for it, so much so that she dreaded hearing the very word 'dosa'. Settling on the couch with those and dutifully reading the middle and the LTTE (Letters to the editor) was as much a routine as brushing my teeth. Agreed, I can always read DH online here too. But anyone who has read a newspaper with the least bit of enjoyment would agree that the epaper is in no way a substitute to the 'real thing'. I yearn for the Bangalore traffic with their great lane nonsense ( I believe the antonym for lane sense), the unpredictable auto drivers (I've heard that the late Dr. HN wrote a humorous piece on them titled 'Auto Bhayagraphy' - please forward it to me if anyone finds it), the chaos with the seasonal rains, the splendid taste of Bhel puri when one's pants are half drenched, the confrontations with the street dogs with 'attitude', the BMTC buses that could compete for the densest population per square meter, the joy when petrol prices decrease, the despair when they increase, the luxury of having incoming calls free and of course the exemplary art of 'giving' missed calls are just a few of the simple joys in life one misses when away home.

But on the brighter side, you have to miss them for a few years to realize what you really enjoy and that makes one appreciate their value a lot more. In conclusion, at the risk of sounding nostalgic, I guess I have written a fairly 'serious' blog on a fairly serious subject for a fairly serious audience. If a more serious approach is warranted, I shall be obliged to do so in the near future.

Yours Seriously,

Varthik K

Life 101

There are only two ways in life, the one you are treading, and the other you regret not treading. And life goes on .....

Innerwear over Dhoti.... Up up and away.....

Having a Gult converted to Kannadiga converted to Tamilian (okk! to be fair enough to all states .. soon to be Keralite) as a roommate has its fair share of advantages apart from the fact that he can curse you in n! different languages and you can still stand grinning there not understanding a single word.

Right now we three roommates stay in three different rooms and coincidentally I happen to be at the end of the laughter propagation chain. The moment I hear a hysterical laughter piercing the silence two rooms away, I buckle up for the things to come, flex my facial muscles and get ready. Around 30 seconds later, a stifled conscious laugh a room away, and then I know its my turn.

For a kid who grew up on generous doses of Dr. Vishnuvardhan and Dr. Raj who rarely tested the sensibilities of the kannada audience save for an occasional jump from a 50 feet building or swimming across the Cauvery during a heavy flood, my generous roomie introduced me to the wondeful world of Telugu and Tamil superheroes. I always thought those stories about Captain and Rajanikanth were fake and pseudo stuff created by overzealous and jealous teenagers. But now, I take pleasure in introducing them to all you innocent people whose brains have never been tested to such extremes.

For starters, Balayya with his superhuman powers.



All you kids attempting wheely on your 180cc bike. Grow up. Rise to the occasion (with your tractor)!!



Get your horse to fall on its back, generate great momentum pulling the reins and you are all set to slide with it. Slide, slide and away.......



Ever heard of the LBR? The Large Bullet Reflector. Breakthrough....truly!



For the benefit of those that are still on their chairs or aren't on their way to the hospital, you can dare see this and this.

And for those of you who repeatedly asked for the past few months and those who didnt ask too, n! is a strange number and I love it. For those who think small, say 10, then 10! would be a big number (for their understanding) and for those that think big, say 10000, then 10000! is anyway a huge number. So I prefer n! to n in most of my conversation.

How boring can this get?? Aaargh....... shut up! [Gunshot] Enna pairu Gardheek Vengadesh, My brain is wrapped up in SBR ... hahahaha.....Jai Chennakesava, Jai Chennakesava....

Amreeka! Amreeka!

Q: So how was the journey??

A: The journey was a perfect embodiment of what is generally called a long journey except that the particular word in the Queen's language 'long' apparently defied all bounds and decency to transmogrify into 'loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong'.

So in a days time of 23 hours of trying to figure out why exactly British Airways mandates its male cabin crew to have clean shaven heads, ponder at the retirement age for the female crew, turn around every single piece of food packet served to determine its allegiance to the Vegetarian or the Non Vegetarian lobby ( I never spared "Still" Mineral water too), gulping down horrible replacements to what you (that was just a little joke) Indians call food and catching say 15.65 winks for the day, I had almost reached a good twenty thousand miles away from home.

For the run of the mill IT company kind of guys that's it. Go back to sleep. your cab has already started from it starting point and would be on its way to pick you up in sharp 6 hrs 41 mins. For the others, a more detailed and sometimes boring explanation is warranted. Well lets see....

The Bengaluru International Airport with all the hype around it still requires 1 Re to make a call. Oh God! Gone are the days when flashy places like the airports actually charged you a minimum of double digit currency to talk to your girlfriend. So I guess its perfectly normal to find kids and the not so kids in designer suits and Gucci shoes begging around - "1 Re Pleeease". And I guess it needn't be further stated as to who had a first hand experience in the art of begging.

An unceremonious 'random' bag checking and a few plastic smiles later, and of course a couple of high altitude meals thrown in, London was refreshingly hmm..aah...well.... western enough. After being forced to watch the plane trajectory from Heathrow to Denver and a particularly irritating review of all the movies onboard by a certain Michael Something with a irritating sense of humor, the Spanish movie 'The Orphanage' was quite good and intense and I would recommend it any day for anyone wishing some horror.

Some like the chocolates here, some the cleanliness, some the cute ones, but the first thing I loved about this place is ........ ah well...I dont seem to know the name of that but for all I know its those synthetic tapes used as railings in almost every public place. Can be easily dismantled and reconfigured for new ways. For those of you still wondering what Im talking about, I'll post a picture someday.

The best thing about Boulder apart from the northward racing shorts (obviously those preferred by the female species) is the transport service. I love this ( I meant the bus, not the former) so much that there hasn't been a journey since I landed here without me dozing off. Well for starters, some of the queerness noticeable here apart from those mentioned above are

• The eternal penchant for maps and their usage. Every corner has a free map to be 'used'. Getting lost here isnt all that easy, even if you wanted to, for eventually you'll bump into this sweet girl who'll get you on the right track (quite literally) with the help of her sleek iPhone.
• Motorists giving way to pedestrians. Its a state law here of course. Yet, it is embarrassing that you accidentally keep a foot on road and all traffic comes to a standstill and you are forced to cross the road even if you didnt want to in the first place. Dont try them on national highways though.
• And boy, greet, greet and greet. Every moment, every time you see someone, greet. Phew! although amusing sometimes, can be quite irritating when experienced in large doses with no apparent motivation to do it :P

America is said to be a land of opportunities ( someone missed out 'extremes') From my close shave with a hit to the mighty jalapenos (pronounced 'halapenos') and their funny taste, the vending machines that hate humans and dish out dimes and nickels, the really fast internet (vrooooooom!) there's plenty to discuss, but all that if I can motivate myself to blog again. (Heck! I took a whole week to complete this!)

These four years.....

I just feel as if it was yesterday....err...I mean four looong years back that I was standing here for the orientation. I can never forget that day for I got oriented away from VTU and was deprived of all options to reorient myself.

So after finishing our demo by putting the examiner to sleep, [Well, almost, it was payback time], it was compulsive to sit down and summarize my education in the last 4 years and these principles were what I assimilated over time from my own experiences and also of those around me.

1. Attendance is never accounted for when thou shalt attend classes dutifully.

Corollary 1: Grace attendance is always granted when thou shalt abstain from the class

2. The last 5 minutes in the exam hall are always of the duration inversely proportional to the number of questions yet to be attempted.

3. The students from the other streams in the same examination hall shalt always get an easier paper. Always! (Just to make you jealous, they would throw their answer sheets with style and possibly a little jig)

4. The girl you feel is the prettiest will invariably be seen with her boyfriend at the canteen the next time.

5. The break hours of anyone you are in a dire need to meet is always when you search for them.

6. Be diplomatic. Ah! sorry. I personally feel it would be a good option to stay diplomatic. But then everyone has his own ideas that are better. So, it would be your call in the end.

7. Never prove the examiner wrong. Exams are much more important than examiners.

8. Always fake. Thats what drives the world around.

9. Always try to attend classes. Engineering students need some sleep, now and then!

And lastly, the ever favorite observation by most guys I've interacted with.

10. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Almost always.

If I've missed some or not encountered something, please be kind enough to educate me. Did we hear someone say Continuing Education?? CATCE? (Words aren't enough to describe it. So better not waste the limited supply I have)

Tougher exams ahead!

Ah! My lessons have just started. I'm learning the basics of the subject. I'm failing, I know not whether I'll ever get through. But my mum wants me to come out with flying colors (Parental pressure? Yes, whatever happened to those psychologists who said " Dont compare your children with those of thy neighbours!". So, I have to put up with the cliches like "Sharmajiki beti knows all these too well" or "Hudugeeru elladrallu mundhe irthare") Heck! what can I do??

And so, yours truly who always believed that Urad Dal (Uddina Bele) can be a good ingredient for a spicy curry ( I still believe it, for I have no experiences to the contradictory) is forced to observe dishes being prepared ( We should have prime time shows like " The Making of....er Soft Chapathis") and possibly try out something himself. Yes, I've tried to mug them all, ingredients chart for each dish, conversion charts (1 cup = 1 person, but miraculously 3 cups = 2 persons. I guess people tend to eat more when they are in groups), timing diagrams, shortcuts et al.

No, I've already seen those Bollywood and Sandalwood films quite a number of times. So, don't expect to have a salted coffee or a overly spiced curry. I can do much better than that. (In a negative sense that is!) So, any brave hearts willing to submit himself to my culinary adventures, please ping me, I'd be more than willing to oblige. Oh yes! Gals would be welcome too, but only that I wouldn't tolerate comments like "Bah! I could have done it much better!"

Btw, just how much more cute could this kid get. Since the first time I saw him in the Igo ad, his cheeks have been growing chubbier and eyes shining more than ever!

BT Grapes and artificially induced sourness.......

A small scoop of a past chat...

K:What the hell?? M: I do not mean to insinuate anything against him,

M: but the only way they know you have done anything at all, is what you tell on your r****e and S**(in caps!)solving an assignment problem can magically transmogrify into 'Designed a logic circuit for use in high-temperature furnace controllers as part of a term project'

K: aah

but isn't tat faking

M: its never a step function its always a gradient

So, what's legal and what's not? What if I just get hold of a couple of reports and engrave (or rather get a calligrapher to do it) my name on them? Would I be better placed? Alas! I know not any faking! The maximum extent I could ever go is push my standing in the class rankings a couple of places. And any of these rankings aren't even official for none is bothered of any number more than 5 (whooh! 5 is indeed a large number) Maybe, and just maybe, I'll turn a better faker next time. Till then, the rest of the world can have my grapes!

Update 1: Well! Even people who ask questions like "Is PhD allowed after MEE" get into the best of the universities. And yet my grapes show no signs of ripening nor sweetness. Damn!

And by the way, whatever happened to this wonderful social networking site called Orkut?? Till date, know for its simplicity and googleness (its a good adjective already!) suddenly decided to throw in n! number of apps. So while we had newbies scrapping in their own scrapbook "Hi, how are you" or often coming across a testimonial stating "Haven't seen you for long" (is that supposed to be a complement??), we are now being bombarded with projectiles of rotten tomatoes Mr X throws at Ms Y (and thats supposed to be yuck! as orkut states), updates of X being confused, Z being happy and R being tired, people buzzing at the unearthliest of times, 2am in the morning (what the heck?) In its eternal competition with Facebook, orkut is turning out more to be a lazy man's paradise. Well almost! for some lazy men still write blogs about what the rest do!