Namma Kaayva Kurubarooo , KURUBARU!!! KURUBARU!!! .....

ThaLavoorida kuruba katukanaadare, avana machchigava enu hoLapu, enu jaadoo, enu moha, kaNNu kukki sokkiruva, katthanadake thikkiruva, hogi hogi nekkiruva, naavu neevu avaru ivaru ......... KurigaLu saar .... KurigaLu

[For the non kannada readers - its futile to translate it]

Kuruba - Shepherd

KurigaLu - Sheep

Father Gowda, one day after his son infamously tried sneaking into 10, Janpath in his Merc (of course with a chauffeur) reiterates that the third front is intact. In what has become a repeated political drama in the family, son goes to another outfit, father disowns him, lots of high voltage action, a heart attack, dizziness thrown in, a trip to the hospital Jayadeva (Jayadeva, not Sagar Appollo mind it), mangalya bala of female members of the family invoked, photo op hugs, a few dives to the feet of the patriach and all is well all over again. Whom are they trying to fool? We, the citizens? No we are never fooled, we are educated, we never vote at all you see. 

Somehow the first thought that came to mind seeing this is the wonderful poem KurigaLu saar naavu KurigaLu by Prof. Nissar Ahmed. Written years ago, the song is true to its word, everywhere, everytime, more so in this age of alliances where every Kuruba is invaluable to the Head Kuruba.

Listen to the song (Requires Real Player): KurigaLu (Nisar Ahmed - Mysore Anantswamy)

Credits: www.churumuri.wordpress.com

The Great Indian Coalition Saga

Title:   Indian Political League

Also Known as:   The Great Indian Coalition Saga (Working title, India)

Director:   Multiple

Genre:   Drama, Action, Politics, Comedy, Fiction

Tagline:   150 is the new 272

CBFC Rating:   [A] ,for scenes containing graphic violence, caste, slander and liquor.

Runtime:   Eternity

Company:   Twentyfirst Century - Trapeze Artists Association

A friend recently put up a status messge declaring "I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question." Although the chicken has been question for eons, it hasn't ceased to make news time and again amazing me with its sustained interest in crossing roads - one wider than the other. So, I set out asking this question to all our future prime ministers (alright! some may realise this posthumously) - A few in candid interviews on record, a few off record in closed rooms and AC cars. Of course, these are not without my personal political leanings as is explicitly evident.

(Content Advisory: The main protagonist of this piece is the chicken. The chicken is an extremely versatile actor donning different roles in different scenes as the story progresses. So if you are averse to chickens or their very intentions of making news, this isn't for you. Additionally, if you are miles away from the happening political scene in India and its associated concern and responsibilities, this might well not be your plate of chicken)

Behen Maya

During Election time: It was carrying a message of equality from the Dalits to the Brahmins!

All other times: It was carrying some donation for my birthday fund.

Kagodu Thimmappa: Oh was it?? Yaava chicken road cross maadtheeni antha heLaththo, antha chickenna thale kattarisi haakbeku. Adu cross maadodanthe.... naavu nododanthe... hmm

Sycophant R V Deshpande: It's a historic event. It was proclaiming to the world that Rahul visited the state during election campaign. This will be written in golden letters.

ChaluvaLi king Vatal: The EC has no better work than watch chickens ... in other areas, there are elephants crossing the road. Jai Karnataka .... (with violent waving of the hands)

Tamil hero MK: The chicken is my friend. And Im not a terrorist. The chicken is a noble chicken, it must be treated like a king.

Father Gowda: We support all secular chickens. Obviously it was trying a lot to escape from the communal forces. Its a 'tall' chicken now. Only the mangalya bala of the chicken's wife saved it from being run over by a tractor. Get me 10 chickens, I'll show how much control I have over all chickens in the country.

Party Hopper Bangarappa: BJP did not have any chickens once upon a time. Now since the CM's son is contesting, they are forcibly paying the chickens to cross the road.

Beta Dutt: The chicken's father died because of pressure from Congress in the previous century. So it is revolting now. The chicken was also actually tortured eons ago. If I see the chicken anywhere, I'll definitely give it a jaadu ki jhappi and pappi. All credit goes to my brother Amarji.

Chief Mischief Maker Chawla: Just a minute, I want to use the restroom ... (makes a call to 10, Janpath) I think it crossed because Gopalswami ordered it. The other ECs have no role in it.

HDK: Father will decide. Father will decide whether the chicken can cross or not. It also depends whether the chicken is a rural chicken or an urban chicken. But father will decide. Father will decide. Even common man is discussing about this chicken. Father will decide....

The not so High Command: The chicken is does not belong to any party. Its a national chicken. Insult to the national chicken is an insult to the country.

The all knowing Vadra: The chicken definitely has the qualities to cross the road. The chicken is a good blend of of its father and grandmother. Who me?? No, I'll never cross the road. But I know all about road crossing and chickens and I can comment on and on about it at any rally.

Baba Rahul: Empower all chickens to cross the road, we can eliminate butcherism (read terrorism) in 15 minutes. (Personal note: 15 minutes, bah! what 50 years of family rule didnt accomplish)

'Secular' newbie Kalyan: My aim is BJP ka barbaadhi, the chicken's aim is BJP ka barbaadhi, we are friends now. Even I know how to cross the road.

Kingmaker Amar: I dont want to reveal who said this to me. I want to do business with them later. But I know the chicken's name is Maya. See what havoc Mayas are causing in this country. One Maya is spoiling UP, another Maya is crossing the roads everywhere. 

Roller Driver Lalloo: Are chodiye, na chicken hamare party mein hain, na hum chicken ke party mein. Phir bhi, agar mein Home Minister hota tho usi waqt uske chathi par roller chala deta .....

Byre Gowda Junior: The chicken has a MS from US, the chicken has a educated wife from another caste. So the chicken can easily cross the road.

A not so 'humble' NCP man: You see anything cant be said. It all depends on where the chciken was. If it was in Vidharba or Marathwada, it was going to Sharadji's rally. Anywhere else it was running away from the Sainiks. Im pretty sure the chicken wants to see Sharadji as the prime minister.

And so, as we speak, the chicken continues to cross many more roads, many  a heads roll, many a rollers crush, many a thieves are let away by 'independent' investigative agencies and many a 'secular' hypocrites beg for votes. Unmindful of all these, a very small number of chickens - say around 400 million, more than three quarters being educated chickens turn the other way or tend to believe that their President is President Obama. Did someone say elections?? Unheard of in these parts of the world .....

Mystery, thy name is Everything!

Mystery, thy name is Nature! The nature of human mind, the nature of deceit, the nature of love, hate, accomplishment, emptiness shrouded in intricately woven layers of mystery. Love, that becomes a passion, passion, that morphs into obsession, obsession, that transcends into compulsion - insurmountable, leading to a bitter destruction with no imminent gain in sight. A no-man's land in that battle between the mind and the body. The fathomable, the unfathomable - both equally misleading yet dear to them. This is your life, this is their life, its my life - all ending - one minute at a time without individual consent. God likes to watch, or that's what he said. An amusement to Him, a wide screen television with Dolby Digital. Someone was indeed right, He sure is a prankster. Mystery, thy name is God!

You perceive, you perceive not. You believe, you believe not. You do it, you do it not. Did you do it? Or did you intend to do it? Deja vu?? What if you indeed did it but didn't realise? What if your actions pushed an entire parallel universe to destruction? Or what if it saved it? Are you a hero? Are you God? If no, why not? If yes, was it your free will? Or libertarian incompatibilism at action? Prathibhaasika? Vishishtadwaitha? Achintya Bheda Abedha?? Any takers? What if your choice made no difference to the universe, what if it was all written down meticulously for ages to come for dumb actors to enact? It pains to know you - the egoistic you - are just a funny puppet providing amusement. Mystery, thy name is Decision!

Free will. A mirage in the unlimited vastness. The real, the surreal all encompassed in this vastness. Any possibility that a vast universe was created and a bunch of lunatics were given free will? What are the odds? Even if it was true, what can you do with it? Kill the world?? Blast the Mars? And how is that going to affect anything in this ever expanding infinity? Isnt futility the most regular of all exercises?

purnam adah purnam idam
purnat purnam udachyate
purnasya purnam adaya
purnam evavashishyate

The rules of the game are not comprehended, the players are upbeat. But the results are predetermined. There isnt any escape even though infinity is before you. Are there any rules at all? What if the rules were antonymous to everything known? What if the bad guys were enjoying themselves before and after? What if all rewards were reserved for them? Good and bad - the most mystic of them all. Wait! Who told you the rules? Did you hear them fine? Are there any rules at all?? Mystery, thy name is Nihilism!

The truth, the lies and everything in between, carefully concealed, underplayed yet continually at work, unbeknownst to the victim, plotting for a larger scheme of things, a finale that may encompass the infinity, a finale that may be so spectacular (Who doesn't like climaxes, including Him), a finale that may reduce infinity to zero or a finale that may give birth to another episode on the Widescreen. Or does it have a finale? Why should it? Isnt change the single most thing loathed all around. Or does anyone who has seen it all and all the repeat telecasts really care? Mystery, thy name is Universe!

Exams... Ahoy!

A bunch of school kids merrily sitting in a class of a Government High School. A picture that could make any Education Minister swell his chest in pride. But neither are they kids nor are they sitting happily. This picture appeared in todays edition of Deccan Herald shows the first day of 10th grade exam (yes yes, its still SSLC) at Government High School, Gadag. To quote from the paper

Mass copying has been reported in Gadag on Monday, the first day of the SSLC examinations in the State. Photocopies of the ready-made answers to the questions were reportedly supplied to the students two hours prior to the starting of the examinations. And this happened with co-operation from external students. More than two students have been allowed to sit beside each other in a single desk at some centers. Police had a harrowing time controlling the youth who were trying to supply answer chits to their friends. It has also come to light that there is a network which helped to warn the students if a team of supervisors visited the exam centers to curb malpractice inthe examination. Neatly written answer papers were being distributed to the students, by mentioning clearly the question numbers on the answer papers to avoid confusion among the students. Gadag district has secured seventh, third and fourth places in SSLC in the last three years respectively. Hence, a doubt has cropped up here that mass copying maybe the reason for this good results.

Now, this pic throws up a multitude of questions. Why is the last person in the front row peeping into the script of the next? It was reported that ready made answers were supplied to students two hours before the exam. Now this guy either didn't get the answers (which clearly shows the demand-supply imbalance of apriori answer sheets - of course, surplus production is definitely not the answer, for the market would cease to exist once the exam begins - but the best one could do is to meet the demand at least) or he was too lazy to mug through it (in which case, the fault entirely lies with the consumer and the liability of the supplier is nil). Considering the first hypothesis is true, this can also imply a third possibility - of the gross irregularities in the supply chain even when the product was in surplus.

Second, why is the guy in the second row captured in an unusul action? Is he trying to cover his eyes from the bright flash of the camera? (Which tantamounts to disturbing 'innocent' kids grappling with a terrifying examination) Or is he showing his pride in the activities of the room?

Third, why is the fairer sex so silent? There are three hypothesis to this. We reject the first one before stating it! Next, Were they slyly warned of the impending pic by the photographer? (Naari Mukthi Andolan, Where art thou?) Or are they so good at reading things given a couple of hours before the exam?

Jokes aside, Agreed, the lucre of leaked question papers is compelling, but isn't allowing malpractice at this scale right under your nose a disservice to the society?

PS: The chief of some Sena (the very mention of the name is an insult to the God) wants to contest election from Udupi or Chikkodi. This from a man whom I suspect knows not the difference between Kannada and Canada. (This has not any explicit relation to this post, but both underline the sorry state of affairs in two different realms of the society)

A Fresh Debate in Kannada Circles

Reuters February 18,

A new debate has started among the Kannadiga community in US regarding the usage of certain words in Kanglish - the Kannada dialect of English. The debate which has engulfed the entire United States and parts of Canada in a short span is touted to be hotly debated in the coming days. The contention seemed to arise out of the usage of the word 'movieSgaLu'.

According to sources, the purists who are in favor of using 'moviegaLu' contest that the incorrect usage 'movieSgaLu' has within it an inherent grammatical flaw. Their argument that it contains a dual plurality is believed to have no takers among the advocates of the second variant. Hardcore users of 'movieSgaLu' confront that this usage is in sync with the usage back home like 'ThipparahaLLiya TharaleSgaLu' and 'Gendethimmana GirlfriendSgaLu'.

Although an AKKA spokesperson tried to distance the organization from both fragments, attributing the fight to the lack of knowledge of the dialect among the masses, the issue is expected to rock the Sammelana to be held later in the year.

PTI adds from Bruhat Bengalooru,

The Kannada ChaluvaLi Vatal Paksha known for its novel ways of protest is reported to have locked up a donkey and a buffalo within Navrang theatre with non stop screening of Kannada 'movieSgaLu'. He demanded unconditional implementation of the Sarojini Mahishi report and reiterated his commitment to Gadinadu Horata Samithi, although insiders were totally baffled by the relationship of the present crisis to his demands. At the time of going to the press, violent braying of the donkey and silence of the buffalo was heard.

Not to be outdone, the lone legislator from the erstwhile Kannada Nadu Party, Mr. Sankeshwar convened a press meet at the Press Club clarifying his stand on the issue. He said he and the entire VRL staff and commuters were for the usage of 'movieSgaLu'. This event was reportedly sabotaged by KRV activists, Narayana Gowda faction who demanded the reinstatement of 'moviegaLu' in Kanglish dictionary as the proportion of Kannada in it was higher. The senior Gowda taking note of this has written a 'letter' to almost everyone in his address book and has threatened to write another 'letter' to the AKKA president as soon as he gets his postal address. The contents of the letter were not publicised.

Meanwhile, The Kannada Development Authority Chairman 'Mukhyamantri' Chandru demanded a total ban on all uses of Kanglish in general and 'movieSgaLu' and 'moviegaLu' in particular be implemented within a week failing which all office bearers would resign from their posts. The shivers of the US debate and its ramifications in the state were felt in the film industry too. According to Gandhinagara grapevine, producer Venkatesh is considering renaming his production house as 'Kallbandegere ChalanachitragaLu'.

Unconfirmed reports from Mangalore indicate Mr. Muthalik's views on the issue. He is reported to have suggested that all women must be stopped from watching 'moviegaLu' or 'movieSgaLu' as these are against the ancient values of Indian society and any women 'caught'. watching one would be forcefully married to the movie star. The Baikampady police have taken him into preventive custody to ease the volatile situation.

Amidst all the fuss and volatility, the question still remains - 'moviegaLu' or 'movieSgaLu' ?

The Tasteless Coffee ...

He stared at infinity for the fifth time since morning, that had become his routine anyway. The infinity too seemed to beckon him. There seemed to be not much he could do with most parts of his anatomy aching from the previous night's fall than stare at the screen (luckily one doesn't fall on his eyes anytime). How long can a man stare at an uninteresting screen? Out popped a gtalk message with the all too annoying *ping* 'En maadthidyo??' Although tempted to say 'Enilla maga, Yeddi bandidda, byelectionalli win aadre Vidhana Soudhano Vikasa Soudhano decide maadthidvi', he just typed a cursory 'Nothin dude, jus like tat'.

He stepped out of the house hoping some fresh air would lift his spirits only to be greeted by the rickety ambassador being serviced by the pan chewing driver. He couldn't conclude whether the emission was from the car or the driver's ears. A few steps later, he tried calling her, she cut. He tried again, this time the cut was even more spontaneous. He felt like being slapped in the face. Cursing, he slipped the phone into his pocket. He was confused. Was he being cruel to the world or was the world playing games with him? Two lanes passed and he met an old friend, His only mistake was asking casually "How are you?" and she started her story which showed all signs of extending to a mega serial. He frantically began searching for the ";" button but then realized this wasn't the familiar MATLAB environment. She went on and on interspersing with what she assumed were humor. Sometimes he smiled, sometimes he said rofl with a dead pan expression.

Two blocks away there was some commotion. Seizing the opportunity, he sprinted towards it. He quietly went through the outer periphery of the crowd. War cries of "Eno maneli heLbandidya ilwa??", "Nadi stationge *&%*&R$%$%$" were heard. He smirked at them and moved on. The world seemed to be as normal as everyday. The girl at the corner house was strutting on the terrace as usual with her cell. He always wanted to talk to her but every time there came up some situation. Sometimes her father propped out of nowhere, at other times her boyfriend jumped out of the bush. He made a mental note to try his best tomorrow, to atleast speak to her for a couple of minutes. He couldn't afford to not talk to her, he badly needed to know her prepaid rate plan. His calculations always showed her monthly cell expenditure to be around 10k which he assumed was atrocious and thoroughly believed there was some great plan by some small time carrier that had eluded him.

Everything seemed so normal. The milkman's son was as usual chasing his cows on his Pulsar with those huge buckets dangling from the mirror. He had graduated from the squeaking Atlas cycle. The boys playing cricket, the vegetable vendor trying to hide the rotten stuff under the superficially good ones, the local grassroots Congress worker putting up a big poster to wish the local MLA on his birthday, the Panipuriwallah setting up his stall, the street dogs barking at the German Shepherd for invading their territory, the Uncles setting out for their evening walks followed closely by Aunty gangs with their over powdered faces and jet black hairs. - he noticed them all. The strays continued barking oblivious to everything else.

He headed to the Coffee Day. This had become their adda over the past two years. Pleasantries were exchanged and enquiries made over his crestfallen face. He then began to unwrap his woes sipping the frappe on how he had been assigned to rework on someone else's code, how he had to work with variable indexing as weird as main_struct.(itm).tr1.alpha_f0(z, main_struct.(itm).alpha_f1(z*2,1)). They tried consoling him. He was uncontrollable. They offered their support, tried to cheer him up and when nothing worked left but not before offering their condolences. When the last of them had left, he ordered another coffee. Somehow the coffee tasted bitter that day. Maybe it was psychological, maybe Coffee Day had run out of sugar. He stared at infinity and began sipping it.... His cell began vibrating, it was her. He cut the call immediately, without second thoughts .....