BT Grapes and artificially induced sourness.......

A small scoop of a past chat...

K:What the hell?? M: I do not mean to insinuate anything against him,

M: but the only way they know you have done anything at all, is what you tell on your r****e and S**(in caps!)solving an assignment problem can magically transmogrify into 'Designed a logic circuit for use in high-temperature furnace controllers as part of a term project'

K: aah

but isn't tat faking

M: its never a step function its always a gradient

So, what's legal and what's not? What if I just get hold of a couple of reports and engrave (or rather get a calligrapher to do it) my name on them? Would I be better placed? Alas! I know not any faking! The maximum extent I could ever go is push my standing in the class rankings a couple of places. And any of these rankings aren't even official for none is bothered of any number more than 5 (whooh! 5 is indeed a large number) Maybe, and just maybe, I'll turn a better faker next time. Till then, the rest of the world can have my grapes!

Update 1: Well! Even people who ask questions like "Is PhD allowed after MEE" get into the best of the universities. And yet my grapes show no signs of ripening nor sweetness. Damn!

And by the way, whatever happened to this wonderful social networking site called Orkut?? Till date, know for its simplicity and googleness (its a good adjective already!) suddenly decided to throw in n! number of apps. So while we had newbies scrapping in their own scrapbook "Hi, how are you" or often coming across a testimonial stating "Haven't seen you for long" (is that supposed to be a complement??), we are now being bombarded with projectiles of rotten tomatoes Mr X throws at Ms Y (and thats supposed to be yuck! as orkut states), updates of X being confused, Z being happy and R being tired, people buzzing at the unearthliest of times, 2am in the morning (what the heck?) In its eternal competition with Facebook, orkut is turning out more to be a lazy man's paradise. Well almost! for some lazy men still write blogs about what the rest do!

Blogomania

Ok! So here I am writing a piece that turns out to be a lame substitute for a blog. When most my peers are either scrambling around to get VISA dates or even dates, trying to grab the best job off campus with the heftiest of pay packets or worse still working heavily on the projects, what does yours truly do?? Go through random blogs at breakneck speed. Well, its in my nature to categorize things. But I've been bombarded by such variety of blogs that I've come to believe that categorizing them is a sin. Well, almost!

To start with is the extremely lame attempts at humor like my blog. Trust me, even the author cant get himself to smile at such blogs during the second reading. Next comes the know all emperor of the underworld who tries to create a halo of fear and a sense of superiority through his blogs. No mention of the actual name, some weird substitutes like 'Burning Cigar', 'Dirty Wolf', 'Menacing Threatener!' or even a 'Maniac MOnkey' with generous references to to some equally 'interesting' rock star (Pardon me if I cant differentiate between rock and metal, for both are hard to me). Then there are these lonely Devdas' who crib, cry, swear at their lost love. Far away from all these lies another category, (oops! categorizing again). You'll have to read a million links and hyperlinks to understand a single blog. Often filled with content much beyond the actual blogs, they make long long reading. Not to forget tech blogs, first time blogs (Ah! my first post, hello everyone stuff), pages by first year undergrads (the tender age where most lecturers seem perfect material for some ridicule), poetry and the list goes on and on.....

Oh! the sexist that I am, I was totally oblivious about the opposite sex. Here, you would find only three types of blogs. First, extremely sensitive sweet blogs, talking at length about the redness of roses or the lavenderness of lavender. Second, blogs that yap, yap, yap, yap and yes! yap more with no obvious intentions. Last but not the least are the blogs of the liberated women power of the 21st century (is it 22nd??). Marked by heavy use of swear words, blasphemous contents and of course Sharukh Khan!

Lastly, there are some blogs that are best left unread. Like the one you just managed to read!!

Core Values

So this management guy from a top company gets his date to his conference room, carefully sets up his projector, sprays up his room freshener, adjusts the lighting and begins

"Now you'll see a short movie about me and my activities which will help you understand me better" A short movie with our guy goofing around very similar to the antics of Mr.Bean follows along with the credits.

" Ah! That was a cute little movie. Now this person you see standing in front you has been around since 1885 (oh sorry, that's my company), has been around since 1984 and is a market leader in such and such segments. I am from the marketing department and am extremely pleased to address you today (apart from the fact that no other Marketing guy was willing to do the honors) I have a global presence, you see...sometimes kicked around from Amsterdam to Chicago to Bangalore. "

"Our company believes in three core values - honesty, safety and last but not the least Ecologically friendly. In conforming to our company's policies, I don't think it is in the interest of the environment to waste a nice little red rose just to impress a single female. This brings us to the second core value, Safety. As it is implicitly implied that all food apart from homemade ones are not safe by EU standards, we are not going out for dinner. Yes! WE ARE NOT! Now concentrating on the first and foremost core value, I conform to my company standards and explicitly state that I have no bloody interest in you or your damn family."

"Thats it! Any questions??"" Well, if you have no more questions, I wrap up my short presentation with this. The HR manager will be around to discuss with you the modalities of my relationship with you and its short term and long term benefits. But I can warn you that you would require to sign a 2 year 2 Lacs bond on entering this relationship. Hope you have a nice day and hope we see more often from now. Cya"

"Oh ya, if this doesn't work out, I still need your resume as our Peenya division would be recruiting soon."

randn(thoughts)....

Who am I? What am I? What am I doing? Why am I doing this? Is it the right thing to do? Should I ever do this at all....for this looks foolish, for these moves are callow. You weren't like this. You never were, crying at the smallest instance of treachery. What I saw was a person hardened by life, a practical person, an intelligent one at that. Alone, but not lonely. Soft, but never weak. So, where are these attributes today? Buried in the sands of time (pardon me for this piece of banality) never to be resurrected again? Or are they waiting for the right time to spring into action and to bring unrestrained joy to those around?

Why should you cry? To bring out those tears that makes you wonder of their existence till date? Or to forge an everlasting friendship with the art they call crying? Promises are meant to be broken, they eventually will be. People will understand or they never will. It is quite insignificant whether they will or give a damn about it. Tomorrow will be a new day, a better day "hopefully". For hope is what drives the world, or at least me. A constant hope, of a favourable tomorrow.

PS: English is a weird language, I know. Nothing that I say or you say makes sense. They are senseless anyhow. (Me and my weird sense of humor!) And that precisely explains the misinterpretations people make. Let them, for they know not what they are thinking as most of their thinking is in what they call English.

Good Luck through email!

So blogging seems to be everyone's mantra these days. I've been blogged, bogged and misunderstood a lot. Anyway this isn't a testimony otherwise. Lately, I've been sick of hearing from the same old Bank Managers and widows of Dictators and pharmacies coaxing to buy their products.

But I received this wonderful mail from this sweet lady called Rita Kone the other day which made me stop, read and actually attempt to answer. (Ok! I didnt get it, I saw this in the mail for the student branch of IEEE) All grammatical and spelling mistakes are attributed to Ms. Kone who by virtue of her yet to be completed undergraduate education isn't as well versed with the Queen's language.

Please read within ***** ( a knack I acquired from Bob Pease)

Hello dearest one.

Complement of the season,

I am sorry to come to you in this way,i come across your ads and my spirit lead me to chose you,well I realy needed someone honest, truthfull to share my feelings with and to share burden with and will lead me to introduce my self to you,

***** When did IEEE start advertising in such way that it had honest, 'truthfull' young fellas willing to share feelings?*****

I am Rita Kone, 21 years old and the only Daughter of Late Mr and Mrs Devid Kone.

*****How sweet....*****

My father was a highly reputable business man (a cocoa merchant) who operated in Abidjan the capital coty of lvory coast during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously Durring one of his business trips abroad on 12th.August 2006.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been master minded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time. But God knows the truth!

***** God indeed does know the truth and I am sure justice wont be denied. By Jesus, your uncle shall be persecuted in heaven or hell as the case may be depending on the credibility of your late father*****

My mother died when I was just 6 years old . Since then my father took me so special. Before his death on August 12 2006, He called me secretly on his bed side and told me about a Box he concealed the sum of Eleveen million Five hundred thousand United State Dollars. (USD$11.500,000) deposited in one of the security company here in Abidjan lvory coast West Afica,which he disguised and declared the box to contain family valuables instead of money, by this way the Security company did not know that the content of the Box is money.

***** FBI are you listening???*****

The deposit document which I have in my possession carries my late father's name as the depositor, while I'm the next of kin on the same document. I am just 21 years old and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life.Sir, I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards. Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded.

***** Your father is a nice man, they dont make such men anymore. How about a Masters in Signal processing coupled with a Doctorate in Genomic Signal Processing. You'll have a bright future I guess. You might as well try writing GATE here in my country and enter one of the world's finest institution for MTech in Microelectronics*****

Dearest Before the death of my father at the Hopital,He told me should incase if He is late (***** Someone else would be Early*****) ,That I should look for a trust worthy Foreign Partner in a country of my choice who will help me to receive this Box in his/her country,So that I can use the money for investment purpose and also continue my education,He told me to make sure that I will achieve a Good education in my life.He also warned me very well not to do any thing with our people here because they are the people who poisoned him,Dearest this is why I contacted you to assist me in the Regard,I dont know what to do now,I will tell you more about this transaction when I hear from you.Please I need your urgent assistance to come out from this very situation.

Now permit me to ask these few questions:-

1. Can you honestly help me as your Sister Or Daughter?
***** Oh No! Hmmph...aargh...will try*****

2. Can I completely trust you?
***** Absolutely, like the 21 other girls who made me a millionaire*****

3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you?
***** I am a modest person with humble ambitions, so anything in excess of 99% would be greatly received*****

4. Can you promise me that you will not betray me when this money will get to your possition?
***** No probs, I can promise that, but my amnesia could create confusions*****

Please, Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible.

please do not fail to respond with this information so that I can know you better.
1, your full name and adress.
2, your telephone number.
3, small about your self.I mean what you do in life.

***** I am a very small person who does very small business to sustain a very very small lifestyle. It is my daily routine to check the spam folder of a few of the hundreds of email IDs I own and respond to people in distress the world over. (You can call me the "International Agony Uncle" in financial transactions.) My sustenance is solely based on Western Union money transfers and larger transfers from wills of good natured people mostly from Nigeria and Ethiopia.*****

Immidiately I receve your mail with all this answer and informations I will give you more informations about this transaction and also the Security company contact.I will send my Pictures ,to you and my National Identity Card.

Thanks and God bless you as you bring out your mind willingly to help me out from this situation,
***** Oh sure, anytime*****

My best regards to you.
yours lovely one
Rita Kone.

Of Horoscopes and Valentine's Day (suggest a better title!)

Another Feb 14th passed by. The noises from the numerous Senas weren't audible or I wasn't within hearing range for that. Roses exchanged hands, restaurants minted money, gift shops and malls teemed with business, yours truly was starved till 11pm for want of sufficient space to dump this body in the corners of some restaurant (hey, I was with a gang of three other friends), Orkut proclaimed - You will receive good news through mail' - I did, Congratulations, you've won a lottery of 100000 dinars or whatever.

Coming to think of it, these predictions aren't astrology after all. Its just that some pseudo random number generator has chosen this for me. Gone are the days when the parrot used to hold the strings. But I'm yet to give up on astrology. Prof. Vaidya prophesies, civilizations that believe and then give up on astrology survive the best. I'm yet in the first stage. My horoscope is somehow tangled with a few remarkable coincidences. One is of course the part played by Rajgopals in my past one year. My first interviewer was Rajgopal, the Prof I'm working under is one, the constable who approved my Police Verification is a Rajgopal too (not to mention that the station was stationed on D.Rajagopal Road) and when we decided to do our project in the distant Guaribidanur (ok! it isn't so distant - just added it for the effect) the technician who is stationed there is (you've guessed it right) another Rajgopal. And our first sponsor for Prtyaksha had all its cheques signed by another Rajgopal. (phew!)

The other aspect of this which I haven't come to terms with is the reason I always find some penchant for Malayalis. Every time, and I mean every single time I come to adore a girl, she invariably turns out to be a Malayali. This just isnt coincidence, I know. Bangalore doesn't have as many Malayalis (I hate that word Mallu...lol!) to give you a hit ratio of 1.( I sometimes wonder whether I should start taking Malayalam classes serously) So it must be something to do with my stars or the latitude and longitude of my birth to the 16th decimal place or worse still, the smudgy quill of the grand old man who wrote my horoscope.

Coming back to the Vday mess I started with, this has been a pretty normal year for most of the people I know. Break ups, tie ups, preparations for both have all been the norm of the day. Over the past year, I've witnessed all these and more. In fact, I've been in knowledge of around 6 such romances - both on and off campus (STOP squirming in your seats) and all the associated big time goof ups and experiences that I might soon come up with a "50 things not to do when you are in love". Book a personally autographed copy now.

Long live Valentine! Amen!

A female there and many males here!

I, Karthik Venkatesh hereby solemnly declare and assure that the very next person who speaks about the female form on Mars in my 'esteemed' presence would have the rare opportunity of wearing upon him/herself the oft preferred macho statement of dark complexioned eye.


To cut it short, I'm going to punch in the face anyone who asks this question in my presence, male or female. This ain't a threat, its a promise.

Look, we are engineers and need to act like one. This is the most preposterous, derisory, ludicrous, ridiculous, absurd, farcical (phew! lost patience to find more) hungama. This piece of sensational 'news' if you could call it so isn't worth a mention at all in engineering and science circles and not worth asking an aerospace engineer working on Mars missions and definitely not to a Nobel Laureate.